so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
