I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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