I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I cockslap morals
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
