can we get nightvision for the apartment?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
