Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
