so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
