Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
