Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it glows. i had to have it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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