And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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