If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
