I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
