oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
