our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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