Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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