So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
