Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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