If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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