there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
