and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize