she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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