She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
