I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
