I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
