Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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