addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
