my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
