I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
