i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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