great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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