Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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