he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
