My balls are so social today.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
