Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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