dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
