Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
