At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
