Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
