never play flip cup with pint glasses
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
