Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
