Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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