Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
