four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
