Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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