Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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