my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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