could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize