It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
