??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
