when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
