the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
