Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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