A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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