you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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