She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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