she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
