Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
