She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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