Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
