Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
