maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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