I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
