just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How does one acquire holy water?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
