is your mom at the bar?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
