ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
