MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
