i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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